Every detail of that day is as fresh as yesterday

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Its just. Imagine people who have a drive for something, a fire that fuels their passion. To be the best they can be.Now, imagine our fire being self destruction and self loathing. It never ends and its not even a battle, it a damned war. And it strives to be the best it can be, to destroy us.But, we also know what it means to be sad or in a bad mood, so we project the opposite, because we dont want others to feel that way. Other people often tell me how happy I appear, but I am but a shell of what I once was. I am a joker, I make other people laugh and I am the good listener, because I truly understand strife. But I am naught what I appear to be. I am not happy.Rest in peace, Verne. I Canada Goose Outlet don’t want to speculate too much, but yeah if this article is true, it sounds like Verne struggled with depression. As someone who’s been in that boat before, up to and including suicidal ideation, there ARE actually some things you canada goose outlet online can do to help your loved ones who might be going through that kind of thing.When my depression is severe, my brain lies to me about my value and worth to the world canada goose outlet https://www.arconserve.ca in vancouver and to the people I love. All rational thought is thrown out the window when suffering with this shitty fucking disease, and it’s those lies your brain tells that can bring you to that all encompassing feeling of hopelessness and dread, and when in that mental state, the quick fix of substance abuse can seem really enticing. Alcohol, (and heroin, in my past) are REALLY effective at getting rid of, or silencing, that lying brain. But of course that relief is short lived, and even though rationally one can see all of the problems that substance abuse brings, again, that lying brain of canada goose outlet uk sale depression tells you that there’s no hope anyway, so might as well do what you can to numb yourself. Not always, and not to the point of being a magic cure, but I can say from experience that having friends who didn’t judge, and tried to understand and to love me back to life made all the difference to me. Without the support, love, and just the simple presence of the people I love, I don’t think I could have ever exited that hole I took up residence in for those few years.RIP Verne, and if anyone wants to talk about this kind of thing, feel free canada goose outlet official to PM! My condolences. I too lost one of my canada goose premium outlet best friends from Suicide. Got the date tattooed on my right wrist. Eleven years later and I still remember the day it happened. Till this day no other day in my life my brain memorized to the T. Every detail of that day is as fresh as yesterday. It’s going to be a really tough few years. Never be embarrassed or goose outlet canada shy to reach out to talk to someone about it canada goose outlet las vegas because it does help a lot. Best of luck and keep your head up. Finally late canada goose outlet store new york Monday night on MLK day, near midnight, it started all over again, even worse. No arm pain or what you may call classic symptoms. Then I threw up, then took a shower to clean up and canada goose outlet sale release the pressure in my chest. I laid on the floor of the shower and suddenly realized I canada goose outlet belgium didn want my kids to find me like this. Called 911. Operator had me chew 4 low dosage aspirin which I coincidentally had bought by accident.Ambulance came. Pumped me full of nitro glycerin and a few canada goose stockists uk minutes later was wheeling me down the halls of the ER. I remember telling the staff I felt feint. I remember holding on to a nurse hand the canada goose jacket outlet sale whole time. Next thing I know the doc says he restarted my heart. I puked again and was gone again.When I awoke I was in recovery with a single stent propping open my widow maker which had canada goose outlet los angeles been 100% clogged.While I was out, I remember simply floating in blue. It was wonderful and timeless and perfect. Thinking back on it, I always had a small guilt that I wasn thinking about my kids or family or friends just about how wonderfully peaceful I felt.A few days later the ER team came to check on me. I asked who canada goose outlet price held my hand. The doctor responded by saying no one did everyone in the room has an urgent job to do.Now, was the peaceful blue a chemical reaction in the brain that makes death easier? Was the hand a figment of my imagination? Probably yes to both. I not a religious man.My mom lapsed into her old ways, despite being sober for canada goose outlet store uk over 15 years. She died exactly 6 years ago today, at age 64. Her alcoholism was on hold for awhile, but in the end she let it consume her completely. My dad didn know what to do, and her old friends who canada goose factory outlet toronto location went to help her were turned away at the door. She just refused to get help or change her ways.She refused to eat, and became a stick figure, spending all her energy and money on alcohol. With no health insurance, and no ability to pay for care, she got worse and worse.After he got home from work, he found her on her bed. She had been dead for several hours.”Everyone loves to talk about depression like an illness. “You wouldn blame yourself if you had cancer, don be so hard on yourself for having depression.”But if depression is an illness, that means it should have canada goose outlet 2015 a mortality rate. That means that we should recognize that sometimes, no matter how hard canada goose jacket outlet toronto you try, some people can be cured. Some people are going to die to their illness.Because if people believe that all depression is curable if you just hold on long enough, then we not treating it like any other illness. If I given a 2 year diagnosis of cancer, but it kills me in 5 months, nobody is going to sit there and canada goose outlet boston say “oh if only he had held on.”.

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